The Pizza Eater Tales
by Cassandra Lynn2
Summary: A parody of the Canterbury Tales by Chaucer. I wrote this as an assignment in my British Literature class.


AN: This was a little assignment I did for British Literature. I'm not sure if this was fan fiction, or if I should have posted it at FictionPress.com, but anyhoo…I don't own The Canterbury Tales, and I don't own Chaucer. The characters described in the following parody aren't Chaucer's but they aren't mine either—they are based on real people. The Pizza-Eater Tales 

A Parody of the Canterbury Tales by Cassandra Lynn

Among the crowd in football season

Where students gather with good reason, 

Begins this tale of these teenagers—

Some of them friends, and some of them strangers.

A notion started at the heart of the stands,

Where there plays our East High Band.

A trumpeter stood, but didn't give us his name.

He shouted, "Let's go for pizza after the game!"

This, of course, was greeted with cheers

And a sense of happiness washed over the peers.

Some students with cars let out huge sighs

For they knew that everyone would ask for a ride.

When we won the game in overtime, 

The happy group set out to dine.

Now I'll start this tale of mine

By naming everyone in rhyme.

First there's Lindsey, and Lauren and I,

Followed by Adam, Mike and Lee (strange guy).

Chelsey and Kathy are more of our pack,

Then Austin and Andy, and our buddy Mac.

Let's start with Andy, the one with the car.

Who drives us around, away and afar.

We asked him along on this fun filled night, 

Now if you know him you know his red hair is a sight,

And his eyes are blue like water runs deep,

And sometimes they sparkle with the secrets he keeps.

Unfortunately Andy always dresses in gray, 

Much to colorful Lauren's dismay.

Most creative he is—and artist at that. 

Loves animals also (a charmer of cats).

He can be quite intimidating with his build and height,

But honorable, for never with fists will he fight.

His humor is twisted, but we can't help but laugh

At his wild antics—we'll leave it at that!

Running behind him, and yelling, "Shotgun!"

Is Lindsey, always in on the fun.

As she runs to the car, her brown hair takes flight

And her hazel-brown eyes begin shining bright.

She smiles and laughs when she looks at me,

For she'll sit next to Andy, how jealous I'll be!

Art and Literature are our common interests,

Along with seeing how everyone's dressed. 

The typical girl is caught up with fashion,

But unlike the others, she loves music with passion.

Emotional, sometimes scared and unsure,

But set in her morals—no one can sway her.

Beating Andy over the head with her cane

Is our darling Lauren, and she's at it again.

Spreading her mischief wherever she goes

She's a troublesome one, as everyone knows.

In actuality, she's bright and sunny,

And her ideas and phrases are quite funny.

Laid-back and cool is her attitude,

And hardly ever snobbish or rude.

She turns away from over-flamboyance.

Now at her side, much to her annoyance,

Is tag-along Austin patting her head.

So ignoring Andy, she beats Austin instead.

Now Austin's the type who can't be ignored, 

With that voice that sounds like nails on a board.

He's always around when you don't want him there

As for privacy—he doesn't seem to care.

Now if he eased off a bit, I'm sure he'd be charming,

But his annoying habits are rather alarming!

Next comes Kathy, a real character.

If there's a loony bin in the bunch, it's her.

Mature in most things, but a true kid at heart

She's an actress as well—she gets the screaming parts!

With blond hair, oh, yay long, and pale blue eyes,

This is one girl who's full of surprise!

Always interested in what's going on

And of cartoons and Cheetos she's fond.

Now coming up beside her is our little Mac,

Always talking and laughing like he's some kind of quack.

But nice he is, a friendly fellow,

Obvious when he waves and shouts, "Hello!"

Appearance-wise, he's kind of small,

Kind of skinny, and not too tall.

A blond kind of guy, is what he is

With glasses that make his eyes look big.

An honest critique he will not deny

To anyone who offers a handful of fries.

Next comes Adam, a really tall guy

With deep brown hair and puppy-dog eyes. 

He dances and sings, and acts sometimes too,

Sometimes he's funny, at times boring, it's true,

But charming, polite, and always witty,

He makes us all laugh when he sings "I Feel Pretty".

As for why the girls like him, I don't seem to know,

But it could be on his sleeve, his heart made of gold.

He's never too shy to talk to Mike

About strange things like anime, gaming and the like.

Mike calmly listens to what Adam says

Wondering how he gets such thoughts in his head.

His sarcastic humor enters the talk

As to Andy's car we destine our walk.

Fancy things and false judgements, he'll go without

But we all wonder how he gets his foot in his mouth.

Usually impartial in arguments and such,

Middle-man and peacemaker in the debates at lunch.

Behind them trails our good pal Lee.

A wackier person there never will be.

A pencil through his ear, and a unique style,

We invited him to join us for a while.

He came along because he was hungry—

And that's all I know of our good pal Lee.

Now walking beside me as we trail behind,

Anxious to go so we all can unwind,

Is Chelsey, my friend, and a good one at that.

A mile a minute is how she chats.

But I really don't mind, in fact, I enjoy it.

Because she's a sweetie, I won't deny it.

Blond hair and blue eyes—they seem commonplace.

But Chelsey stands out with a smile on her face.

When we reach our destination we stop where we are

And contemplate how we'll all fit in the car.

"I'll put the top down." Andy says with a sigh,

as we all climb in and begin piling high.

When we were all ready, he backed in reverse 

And it wasn't too long before he let out a curse

And jumped from his seat without losing time

To see what he had hit from behind.

Then he walked back to us slowly while shaking his head

And informed us that Austin was certainly dead.

We bowed our head for a moment of grief,

Then set out for Godfather's and it was such a relief.

For the car was quite crowded and painful for us, 

And we were all hungry, for it was long after dusk.

Now there's no voice like blackboards and nails,

And so I end the Pizza-Eater Tales.


End file.
